i like parks. i like how green and pretty they are and i like that when you walk through them in summer you look a TINY bit more fanciable to the opposite sex than you normally do and i like how you can lie on the grass and look into the sky and say stuff in your head like ‘LIFE, EH? LIFE. WHAT IS LIFE?’. parks are good.

but RUNNING through parks? running through parks is torture. it is never-ending. here’s a little known scientific fact: when you run through a park, the park NEVER runs out. when you run through a park, the rest of life stands still.

oh, you think that sounds romantic? well picture this: imagine you’re on a swing in a playground, swinging happily through the air. life is good for you. up, down, up, down. then up … and life suddenly stands still. life includes the aforementioned swing. now you’re being violently thrown through the air. you land on the ground. you break your neck. you die. THE REST OF LIFE STANDING STILL DOESN’T SOUND SO ROMANTIC NOW, DOES IT?

it’s the same for running through parks, exactly the same. that’s what i’ve been trying to tell you all this time. parks would not get it from me in the shower.